Day 22

Today was better : ) Even though I didn't weigh myself and even though I totally gave in to candy I'd still say it was a good day. First off here's what I ate: tea and oatmeal for breakfast, then a frappucino (oops), then pumpkin seeds and apple sauce for lunch, and a few pretzels, then a small portion of leftover sesame noodles, a few soy crisps, then for dinner stir fry with rice, then snacking all evening on seven mini Reese's PB cups, peppers, asparagus, and mushrooms, and a few almonds. Lots of veggies today!!! But also, lots of sugar. And in general, I just ate so much. Keep in mind that eveything I ate today, I ate in small portions. Except the Reese's. That was a low, low moment. But what helped me stop? Thinking about how happy I used to be when I was thin last summer. It really motivated me and helped me stop. Also, we ran out of Reese's. But I was just about to move 0n to something else, which is typical of a binge.
I start out fixating on one thing, then when I succumb I either A) get frustrated and decide I screwed up so I might as well keep eating more food or B) find myself unsatisfied on my drug of choice and stuff my face until I find something that meets my fixation. So the fact that I stopped because a conscious thought concerning my future occured to me is a big deal. It shows that I really am making progress. Also, later on I didn't want to go to the gym, but once again I thought about thin and happy Hannah, and I went for an hour! I also took a short walk with my sister, though that hardly counts for anything. Good news, I also cooked the asparagus, mushrooms, onions, peppers, and broccoli I recently purchased. Now I can enjoy them at my leisure on salad, in wraps, sandwishes, whatever works best. So I have no excuse not to have healthy, veggie filled days. I can do this, I know I can. Oh, also today I was reading my issue of SHAPE and there was a story of a girl around my age who started out at 149 lbs and ate healthy and exercised her way to 121, almost exactly my goal! She's maintained her weight loss for two years. That sounds exactly like the story I want to have. I know I can do it!