Day 33

Today was a little bit better. I had two "sausage" patties, some pretzels, some elf graham cookies, a sandwich with veggies, cheese, and pesto, an iced latte, leftover general tso's tofu, and a few wontons. And a pomegranate lemonade. So not the worst day I guess. I don't know. I still don't feel that great. I didn't exercise. Again. As I'm getting ready to move I'm out all the time with friends saying goodbye and whatnot so it's inhibiting me from my normal schedule. For instance, today I went from work to dinner, hung out with a friend, then went to see some more friends and didn't get home until 1AM. Right now I guess I'm just trying to keep it together.

Day 32

I did not eat well today. I feel really bad and upset with myself. I don't even remember what I ate. Some bad things were a bowl of Captain Crunch and a bowl of Fruit Loops. And some chocolate chips. I did not exercise. I don't know whats wrong with me. I haven't felt like myself or felt like I have any self control. I need some sleep.

Days 29, 30, and 31

I love Radiohead. Listening to them right now. Anyways, the last few days have been uneventful foodwise. I ate well on Thursday and Friday. My food choices were limited because of the field trip, so I went to bed hungry both nights. Today was not so good, but I decided to let myself cheat today in the hope that this will inspire good behavior for the rest of the week. I am exhausted and have been emotional for a few days, so I'm hoping I'll get back to normal soon. I weighed in a 147. Still so fat. But It's better than gaining weight, right? I neeeeeed to sleep now.

Day 28

Today I am not feeling so good. I just feel bummed out. Anyways, I ate an apple, some pumpkin seeds, and icy pop, some pretzels, an avocado, some chips, some black beans, a breadstick, some salad, and six portabello ravioli. I did not exercise, but only because I was busy all evening. Ugh. I just feel sad. I'm going to sleep. I have an overnight field trip tomorrow with my 4th graders, so I will not be posting tomorrow night, but I'll make up for it on Friday.

Day 27

I don't wanna talk about it. Today was a bad(ish) day. Sure, I did eat fruits and veggies. But I fixated, overate, and ended the day with sugar. Recap? Peanut butter toast, avocado and hummus sandwich (yum), sunchips, special k crackers, tortilla chips, guacamole, more crackers, hummus, jelly beans, taco salad with avocado, black beans, sour cream, lite cheese, and crumbled tortilla chips, and then an iced soy white mocha AND a slice of lemon pound cake. Because I have not slept enough or eaten well, I got a headache which prevented me from exercise. Ugh. It never ends.
I just realized that yesterday I was a quarter of the way through this project. I most certainly have not lost a quarter of the weight I want to lose. Nor have I made significant lifestyle changes. Well, at least I'll say I'm exercising a few days a week. And eating more fresh produce. And making more effort than ever before to stop my addiction. But this is not enough. I know it, and the scale will tell me this on Thursday.
On the bright side, I am excited about something new. My sister Emily (the fittest of them all) wants me to run a half marathon with her in September. On my 21st birthday, in fact. It costs $110 to register. But I can do it. I know I can. She ran a marathon last year so this is nothing for her. But for me, this will be a challenge. Am I up for it? I can't imagine a better way to spend my 21st! This is way better than getting drunk. Just ask my body. If I decide to do it (I think I will) I will start a training schedule soon. Then I'll have to stay on the schedule. Last year I signed up for a half marathon and ended up quitting because my knee was jacked up. I need new running shoes if I'm gonna do this. But if I say I'll be there with Em I won't back out. She'd kill me anyways. It's the VA beach rock n' roll half marathon. Its all flat and easy and ends on the boardwalk. The beach is me favorite place in the world! I have to do this, right?

Day 26

Happy Memorial Day! I am a quarter of the way through this project! That was fast... Today was a good day. I ate egg whites with two "sausage" patties, then later had black beans and some crackers with hummus, I snacked on a few tortilla chips, then for dinner had salad with avocado and low cal dressing, sauteed spinach, and grilled portabello mushrooms, and a few bites of icecream. Oh and we watched a movie and I enjoyed some homemade popcorn. I wish I had exercised but I had a disasterous night last night, and I was really tired today, plus is was 95 degrees! My sister is waiting for me to turn off the lights so I am doing another short post tonight, but I'll be back with a reflection tomorrow.

Day 25

Today (actually yesterday) was not a good day. I ate a sugary breakfast of half a frappucino and half a piece of banana choco chip coffecake, then snacked on a few bites of pastry and brownie, then ate two "sausage" patties and a spinach caesar salad for lunch, then had 5 chocolate covered strawberries, and then for dinner a salad with veggies and fried tofu with sweet and sour dressing. Oh and then a few cashews later on. Too much sugar! Snacking is not a good idea, I don't have good self-control about it. I didn't exercise either : ( BOO. What a bust of a day.
Last night I had dinner with my good friend rachel and she suggested that we join some of her friends and go for a midnight swim. I love Rachel and I really wanted to go, but I was horrified at the thought of getting into a swimsuit. I went home and put on my bikini from last summer. It looked so much better last year! All I was thinking was I wish I could take back every decision that lead to me being fat like this, because I love being spontaneous and I especially love the water. I'm like a dolphin. I feel far more natural and comfortable in water, especially the ocean, than anywhere else on earth. So when fun opportunities like this arise, I not only want to join in, but I want to feel comfortable and cute in my swimwear. I wore the swimsuit and really tried to convince myself that I looked good, because I know that exhuding confidence is even sexier than being thin. It helps that it was dark outside. But all in all, lesson learned. Maybe next time I want to munch on a brownie or eat icecream, or eat anything in excess, I'll remember how much easier it is to enjoy things in a fit and thin body.